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HOUDINI

by Kirby Michael Wright 

Based on a True Story

CHARACTERS:

DADDY, a part Hawaiian man (hapa haole) in a V-neck undershirt, khaki shorts, and leather slippers. He has thin lips and a ruddy complexion. He wears horn-rimmed glasses like battle gear and has trouble smiling.

MUMMY, a green-eyed blonde, wears a muumuu, clip-on earrings, and bright red lipstick.

BARRY, a tall, lanky thirteen-year-old with MUMMY's green eyes and blond hair. He wears

jeans and a t-shirt.

KIRBY, a short, husky eleven-year-old with DADDY's dark complexion. He wears swim trunks with a Hawaiian print and a tank top.

ADULT KIRBY, a husky man in his 40s with sad eyes. He wears a leisure suit and moves slowly. The cadence of his voice is slow and reflective.

DOCTOR, a thin man in a white coat wearing a stethoscope.

SETTING:

A tract house in Honolulu.

SET DESIGN:

What's required is a living room and a backyard separated by a glass partition. For the glass partition, a simple cardboard frame would be fine. The living room needs a couch, a TV, an end table, and a lamp. A patch of Astroturf is all that's required for the lawn. The other items needed are tapes of the theme songs for ‘A Summer Place’ and ‘Mission Impossible,’ a length of nylon cord, a steak knife, a hi-fi, a sheet, a game of checkers, and a steel flashlight.

SCENE:

BARRY and KIRBY sit in the backyard lawn playing a game of checkers. Coils of nylon cord

are stacked beside the checkerboard. KIRBY jumps three of BARRY's pieces.

KIRBY: Yahoo! King me, Barry.

BARRY: King yourself.

KIRBY kings his own piece.

KIRBY: (teasing/singsong) I'm gonna beat you. BARRY: You sound like a homo on Hotel Street.

KIRBY: Do not.

BARRY: Do too. You're a prize homo.

KIRBY: (lowers voice) I'm gonna beat you.

BARRY: Now you sound like you-know-who.

ADULT KIRBY walks through the living room and out to the backyard. BARRY and KIRBY

are unaware of his presence. ADULT KIRBY has the freedom to roam the stage as he

observes the action. BARRY and KIRBY play in silence.

ADULT KIRBY: It was 1967. Our house in Honolulu was one of a thousand tract homes

built on leasehold land east of Diamond Head. Our front door faced the rising sun and the master bedroom had a great view of the volcano. We lived in a shingled Mecca for a haole and Asian middle class, with lots of vets and their families. My hapa haole father was one of those vets. As a young lieutenant in Army Intelligence, he'd witnessed the brutal campaigns on Tarawa Atoll and Guadalcanal. He'd nearly died on Kwajalein after being stabbed by a Japanese soldier. During the war, my father had lost his University of Hawaii sweetheart to an Air Force flyboy on R & R in Honolulu. After the war, he took advantage of the GI Bill and attended graduate school on the mainland. He'd returned to Honolulu armed with a law degree from Harvard and an Irish wife from Boston. His only regret was that his grandmother, a woman who'd danced on the court of Queen Emma and King Kamehameha the Fourth, had died during his final exams.

BARRY flips the board and the checkers go flying.

KIRBY: Hey!

BARRY: What a kukae game.

KIRBY: Poor loser.

BARRY: Fatso.

KIRBY: Where am I fat? Show me where I'm fat.

BARRY: You're fat, Kirby.

KIRBY: Oh, yeah?

BARRY: Yeah. You're fat all over, including the brain. Now tie me.

BARRY turns over on his belly. He places his hands behind his back and presses one side of

his face to the grass. KIRBY kneels down beside him and begins winding nylon cord around BARRY's wrists.

ADULT KIRBY: Ninth grade marked the end of my big brother's interest in board

games. Every day after school, Barry asked me to tie him up so he could practice his

Houdini act. He'd been inspired by a Tony Curtis movie and wanted to become

Honolulu's first escape artist. Barry loved it when I tied him up with nylon cord out in the backyard.

BARRY: Tighter.

KIRBY: This might cut your circulation.

BARRY: Will not.

KIRBY ties a knot and tries squeezing a finger between the cord and BARRY's wrists.

KIRBY: It's like a tourniquet.

BARRY: Can't you tie anything besides a square knot?

KIRBY: How 'bout a fisherman's knot?

BARRY: Only if you make it tight.

KIRBY finishes with BARRY's wrists and starts binding his ankles. When he finishes,

KIRBY stands and watches BARRY twist and squirm on the grass trying to get free.

KIRBY: This time I've got you.

BARRY: Time will tell.

KIRBY: Time will tell you're no Houdini.

BARRY: Shut your momona mouth.

KIRBY: I'm not fat. I'm not fat. I'm not fat.

BARRY: Are you kidding? You're a pig ready for the imu.

ADULT KIRBY: Barry would twist and squirm on the grass for hours trying to get free. He

always refused my offer to untie him. I studied The Boy Scout's Handbook and got so good at knots that it was typical for Barry to rub his skin raw. But somehow, he always managed to get free.

BARRY reaches back and loosens the cord binding his wrists.

ADULT KIRBY: He was tall and lanky and I figured this helped him escape. Even if it took

hours, he'd get loose. He was more interested in escaping knots than doing homework.

BARRY sits up and undoes the knot binding his ankles. He stands up and tosses KIRBY

the cord.

BARRY: Better luck next time, sucker.

DADDY and MUMMY enter the living room drinking highballs. DADDY turns on the hi-

fi and plays the theme song for "A Summer Place." DADDY and MUMMY dance while holding their drinks. They dance around the glass partition out to the edge of the lawn. "A Summer Place" ends and DADDY and MUMMY stop dancing.

DADDY: What's going on out here?

KIRBY: The Great Escape.

DADDY: Have you boys finished your homework?

BARRY: Did mine on the bus.

KIRBY: I still have some Geography.

DADDY: Well, get at it, Kirby. You'll never get into a good college if you don't study.

MUMMY: (to DADDY) Barry's like Houdini, dear.

DADDY gulps his highball and starts chewing on ice.

DADDY: Oh, he is, is he?

KIRBY: Better than Houdini.

DADDY: Think you can get away from me, Barry?

BARRY: (twirling end of cord) Sure.

DADDY: I've had plenny of practice tying people up.

MUMMY: Practice makes perfect!

MUMMY starts tap-dancing.

BARRY: Do the big kick, Mummy!

MUMMY kicks one foot over her head, revealing her slip and panties.

MUMMY: Is that high enough?

BARRY: (applauding) Mummy's ready for Broadway!

BARRY's encouragement makes MUMMY tap-dance faster. DADDY hands MUMMY 

his empty highball glass and she stops dancing.

KIRBY: Who'd you tie up, Daddy?

DADDY: The Japs, during the war.

BARRY: I'm no Jap.

KIRBY: Yeah, and the war's long over.

DADDY: Gimme the rope.

BARRY: (hands over cord) Bet I can get away.

DADDY: Get on your guts.

BARRY drops to his hands and knees and flips over on his belly. MUMMY and KIRBY

watch DADDY roll up BARRY's jeans and loop cord around his ankles. DADDY uses a second piece to bind BARRY's wrists. He uses a slipknot to tie BARRY's hands and feet together behind his back.

DADDY: This is how we handled prisoners-of-war.

KIRBY: Did any get away?

DADDY: Not a one.

BARRY: There's always a first time.

MUMMY: That looks uncomfortable.

DADDY: He asked for it.

MUMMY: Does it hurt, Barry?

BARRY: It kinda tickles.

KIRBY: I'll bet.

DADDY finishes tying BARRY and gets up. He stands over BARRY the way a hunter stands

over his kill.

DADDY: I'll be watching Mission Impossible. I'll untie you after the show.

BARRY: Be free by then.

DADDY: We'll see.

DADDY leaves the backyard and enters the living room. He switches on the lamp and the

TV and hunkers down on the couch.

MUMMY: Good luck, Barry.

KIRBY: Boy, he'll need it.

MUMMY leaves the backyard and sits next to DADDY on the couch. She places the highball

glasses on the end table and starts massaging his neck. KIRBY kneels down and watches BARRY struggle on the grass. BARRY arches his back and slumps back down. He arches again and rolls onto his side.

KIRBY: You’re rolling around like Ripper Collins on 50^th State Wrestling.

BARRY: Shut up.

KIRBY: What's wrong with talking?

BARRY: I'm trying to concentrate.

KIRBY: You're Daddy's prisoner-of-war.

BARRY: If you don't shut up.

ADULT KIRBY: Through the glass door, I could see my father on the couch watching

television with my mother. I knew Barry desperately wanted his praise for something, anything. He'd been cut from junior varsity football and was getting Ds in most of his subjects. The cord was something tangible Barry could defeat. Every time I'd tied him up after school was practice for this very night.

KIRBY: Think you can do it?

BARRY: Don't know.

KIRBY: Should I loosen that stupid slipknot?

BARRY: That'd be cheating.

KIRBY: Daddy won't know.

BARRY: Yeah, but I will.

MUMMY gets off the couch and returns to the lawn.

MUMMY: How's it going?

KIRBY: Pray for Barry, Mummy.

MUMMY looks skyward. She holds out her hands to the sky.

MUMMY: Our Father, who art in Heaven.

KIRBY: Go, Barry, go. God's on your side.

MUMMY pantomimes her prayer.

ADULT KIRBY: My mother was an optimist and a staunch Roman Catholic. She believed

her perfect attendance at Star of the Sea Church, combined with her weekly tithing, guaranteed her a place in Heaven. She liked consulting Hawaiian psychics known as "kahunas" at the International Market Place. The kahunas all told her that fate would step in soon and help her land a role on Broadway. That was her dream. She finished her "Our Father" and we started cheering for Barry. We cheered so hard that it felt like Monday Night Football.

KIRBY and MUMMY pantomime their excitement as they cheer for BARRY. DADDY gets off

the couch and watches through the glass partition.

ADULT KIRBY: After fifteen minutes of frantic contortions, Barry loosened the cord

binding his wrists. Then he reached for the slipknot. He arched his long back and, in a matter of seconds, he was free.

BARRY stands. KIRBY and MUMMY pantomime their jubilation as they dance around

BARRY. BARRY raises his arms in victory. DADDY returns to the couch.

ADULT KIRBY: I have never seen my big brother more pleased with himself than that

night he escaped before Mission Impossible ended.

BARRY, accompanied by MUMMY and KIRBY, marches into the living room and presents

DADDY with the cord.

DADDY: (laughing) Cheesus, you should be on this show.

ADULT KIRBY: It seemed like my father was happy. But there was a tone of defeat in

his voice and his praise sounded phony.

KIRBY jumps up and down while MUMMY tap-dances.

BARRY: Do the big kick, Mummy! Do the big kick!

MUMMY does the big kick.

MUMMY: Is that high enough?

BARRY applauds, encouraging MUMMY to dance faster. The ‘Mission Impossible’ theme

song plays. BARRY intertwines the fingers of his hands as if praying, then sticks out index fingers and thumbs to make a gun. He aims his gun at MUMMY and then at KIRBY. MUMMY and KIRBY make guns too. The three of them circle the room, pantomiming a trio of spies aiming guns at one another.

KIRBY: (aiming at BARRY) Barry did it!

BARRY: Thank-you, thank-you.

MUMMY: (aiming at BARRY) Take a bow, Barry!

BARRY bows.

KIRBY: (aiming at DADDY) Yahoo!

DADDY: All right, that's enough.

The theme song for ‘Mission Impossible’ ends. MUMMY, KIRBY, and BARRY quit their

pantomime.

MUMMY: Don't you think your son's pretty terrific?

DADDY: Keep your big voice down, Mary. All the neighbors'll hear you.

MUMMY: But Barry's the best!

KIRBY: Better than Houdini.

BARRY: (nodding) I can escape anything.

DADDY pops off the couch.

DADDY: Look, you lil’ sonuvabitch, want me to really show you how we tied up the Japs?

BARRY: Sure.

DADDY: Then let's go outside, big mouth.

BARRY: Lead the way.

MUMMY: This is getting silly.

KIRBY: Yeah, that'd be cheating! Barry already got away.

DADDY: Shut your yaps.

MUMMY and KIRBY follow DADDY and BARRY back to the lawn. BARRY gets on his belly

and DADDY jams his knee between BARRY's shoulder blades and loops cord around his wrists. DADDY threads the cord between BARRY's wrists and secures it with a knot.

DADDY: I'll fix your wagon.

BARRY: Owie!

KIRBY: That's too tight!

DADDY: (to BARRY) You made your bed, big mouth, now sleep in it.

DADDY finishes tying BARRY's wrists together and starts in on his ankles.

MUMMY: Isn't that enough for one night?

DADDY: He won't escape now.

MUMMY: Is this really necessary, dear?

DADDY: Goddamn it, Mary, remember what that psychologist said?

MUMMY: No. What did he say?

DADDY: To stay the hell away when I'm disciplining them.

MUMMY looks at KIRBY and shakes her head. She leaves the lawn and returns to the living

room. She watches through the glass partition.

DADDY: (to BARRY) Bend at the knees.

DADDY connects BARRY's roped ankles and wrists with a third piece of cord. When he pulls

the nylon tight, BARRY screams.

DADDY: Now this is the real McCoy.

BARRY: God.

DADDY musses up BARRY's blond hair.

DADDY: Have fun, big mouth.

DADDY returns to the living room with MUMMY, where they pantomime an argument.

KIRBY sits beside BARRY and pantomimes his instructions.

ADULT KIRBY: I sat beside Barry and tried coaching him to freedom. His hands and feet

touched behind his back. I told him the position of a timber hitch knot connecting his wrists to his ankles—it was the kind of knot lumberjacks use. I told him that there was a surgeon's knot between his wrists that got smaller and smaller every time he reached for it.

KIRBY: Tell me when to free you.

BARRY: Sure.

KIRBY: Want some juice?

BARRY: No.

DADDY and MUMMY exit the living room and disappear. The stage darkens. The only light

comes from the lamp in the living room.

ADULT KIRBY: My father got my mother to go to bed early that night. When my father

threatened to turn the lights off, I . . .

KIRBY runs from the lawn to the living room and pulls a flashlight out of the drawer in the

end table. He turns the flashlight on and returns to the lawn.

ADULT KIRBY: . . . got a flashlight and returned to the lawn.

KIRBY shines the flashlight at BARRY. BARRY squirms and arches his back trying to get

free.

ADULT KIRBY: Barry looked like a pretzel with his knees bent and his arms stretched

behind him. He arched his back trying to reach the timber hitch. The more he struggled, the tighter the cord got.

KIRBY shines the light on BARRY's face.

ADULT KIRBY: I shined the light on his face—one side rested on the grass and the other

was covered with blue fertilizer pebbles.

KIRBY: He's got you.

BARRY: I know.

KIRBY: Let me untie you. 

BARRY: Okay, but don't tell Daddy.

KIRBY: I won't.

KIRBY places the flashlight on the lawn and faces the light toward BARRY. The beam lights

his face and shoulders. DADDY, wearing pajamas, enters the living room. He studies the lawn through the glass partition. He walks around the partition and stands at the edge of the lawn. KIRBY aims the flashlight and lights up DADDY in his PJs.

DADDY: (shielding eyes) You’re next, Kirby! Is that what you want?

KIRBY: No.

DADDY: Then get to bed.

KIRBY: This isn't World War Two!

DADDY: You've got ten seconds. One, two . . .

BARRY: It's okay, Kirby. I'm almost free.

KIRBY: Really?

DADDY: Three, four.

BARRY: Really. Go to sleep.

KIRBY: I'll be right in the living room.

DADDY: Five. Six.

KIRBY, using the flashlight to guide him, follows DADDY back inside. DADDY turns off the

lamp in the living room. The stage is in darkness, except for KIRBY's flashlight. KIRBY enters the living room and strips down to his underpants. He flops on the couch and turns the flashlight off. The stage is pitch black.

ADULT KIRBY: I listened for Barry. I waited for him to walk into the living room and show

me the cord. I waited and waited. I fell asleep waiting.

A sheet in the living room is held up—the flashlight turns it into a screen. The silhouettes of

DADDY, MUMMY, and a DOCTOR pantomime the following dream sequence:

ADULT KIRBY: I dreamt Barry had to go to the hospital to have his hands and feet

removed. My father told the doctor that the operation was way too expensive and that he could perform the surgery at home if my mother acted as his nurse. My mother pulled a dinner napkin out of her purse, folded it into a nurse's cap, and stuck the cap on her head.

The flashlight goes off and the living room returns to darkness. The stage lightens and

there's the sound of garbage trucks. KIRBY wakes up on the couch. BARRY is still out on the lawn.

ADULT KIRBY: The garbage trucks woke me up.

KIRBY leaps off the couch and runs out to the lawn. He kneels beside BARRY.

ADULT KIRBY: I ran outside in my underpants and found Barry on his side with his eyes

closed. His hands and feet were still touching. The cord around his wrists was red with blood.

KIRBY tugs at the cord.

KIRBY: Jesus!

DADDY, wearing a dark suit and tie, walks out to the edge of the lawn holding a steak knife.

DADDY: How's the big mouth this morning?

KIRBY: Barry's bleeding!

DADDY: He asked for it.

KIRBY yanks at the timber hitch knot and BARRY cries. DADDY hands KIRBY the knife.

DADDY: Cut Houdini free and get ready for school.

DADDY returns to the house and disappears.

ADULT KIRBY: I sawed at the timber hitch knot and the nylon gave way, one strand at a

time.

KIRBY straightens out BARRY's legs and starts in on his wrists.

ADULT KIRBY: I straightened out his legs and cut the bloody surgeon's knot binding his

wrists. Barry remained on his side. The skin around his wrists looked like raw meat.

KIRBY cuts the last strand of cord.

KIRBY: It's over.

BARRY keeps his arms behind him and one ear to the ground. KIRBY rubs BARRY's back. BARRY flinches.

KIRBY: Barry? What's wrong, Barry? Come on. You can tell me.

ADULT KIRBY: He didn't answer. Barry's arms were still behind him, as if the surgeon's

knot hadn't been cut. His eyes watered and he kept an ear to the ground. Blue fertilizer pebbles were embedded in his blond hair and eyebrows. I was surprised my mother hadn't come out to comfort him. When Barry had gashed open his foot on a sprinkler head she pressed a towel against the wound to slow down the bleeding, and she gave me a tummy rub whenever I felt like barfing. But this was different. This time my father was involved.

DADDY and MUMMY enter the living room. They stand side-by-side at the glass partition

and study their sons.

ADULT KIRBY: The dream came back to me. I remembered my parents hadn't thought

twice about maiming their son. I stood up and...

KIRBY stands.

ADULT KIRBY: . . . something moved in the living room. I looked over at the glass door

and there they stood, watching. There was something in my father's face that said the battle had just begun.

DADDY drops an arm over MUMMY’s shoulder and she leans into him. “A Summer Place”

plays. Fade to Black.

---

Kirby Michael Wright was born and raised in Hawaii. His family land on Moloka'i served as the breadbasket for Kamehameha's warriors while training for their assault on Oahu.